mental health
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Time to Hurt, Time to Heal
2.19am,time ignores the pleading eyes– the thought never rests. Once again I’ve woken from a sleep I desperately need, but won’t be granted. The mental alarm clock is ringing. The Time to Hurt has commenced. I lie in bed with my eyes closed, but it’s a futile performance; the damage has been done. My brain… Continue reading
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“I am calm and relaxed”
How do you relax? Relaxation doesn’t come easy to me. My mind is almost constantly whirling with worries and depressing thoughts. especially when I wake up in the morning. I’ve learnt that the best way to counter it – to relax – is to follow a routine every day. A daily routine grounds me and… Continue reading
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Growing something to look forward to
This year, after sixteen years of being completely engrossed in one of my favourite hobbies, I decided to let it go. I stopped gardening. My mindset – which has never been on an even keel – was particularly mired by depression this year, and I just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to come up with fresh… Continue reading
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Blessed aloneness
What’s your favorite time of day? It’s not 3.52am, when, as usual, I’ve woken from a sleep I desperately need but never get enough of. As I lie in bed, I close my tired eyes. They don’t want to open. But my body is no longer comfortable. I have to shift position, and by doing… Continue reading
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Do or do not
What motivates you? Ask me this question, and you’ll likely be met with an uncomfortable silence. Motivation is one of the first and biggest casualties when you’re battling depression. You lose the will to do anything, especially the things you used to enjoy or know that are good for your mental and physical wellbeing. It’s… Continue reading
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The sacred practice of writing
What do you enjoy most about writing? Even though I started this blog back in 2018, I’ve only started writing regular posts in the last few months. I’m very inconsistent when it comes to hobbies, always hopping from one to another, and even though I liked writing my earliest posts, the niche I had initially… Continue reading
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Waiting for a tree to fall
What positive emotion do you feel most often? Relief. Relief that my parents’ health is ok today. Relief that a work or home situation has been resolved. Relief that I made it through the day without any major dramas. For someone who’s daily life is beset with anxieties (big, small and all mostly exaggerated), any… Continue reading
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Moments of mesmerisation
What brings you peace? What brings me peace? Meditation. But not usually the type where I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor trying to be at peace with the world. You can’t be at peace when you’re angrily trying to be. Peace for me tends to manifest when I forget to worry about something, because I’m… Continue reading
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Hope and/or truth?
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time? My initial response to this prompt was to say hope is the most important thing to carry with you all the time. Hope in a better future. That things will improve. But there’s a fine line between being hopeful and wishful thinking.… Continue reading
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My life in an alternate universe
Describe your life in an alternate universe. In an alternate universe I would be living a life true to myself. I would be free to do what I want, and not be constantly worrying about what I was saying or doing. I would have created, developed or sustained the relationships that I really needed in… Continue reading
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Liberators of a lonely childhood
I was a very shy kid. Awkward. Lonely. Crippled with low self-esteem, I wasn’t interested in what most of my peers were into (namely sport – and if you’re a boy and you didn’t like sport, you were not ‘normal’). With school playtimes always revolving around a football, I would be the kid standing at… Continue reading
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Letting go
Something shifted within me this year. After many years of focusing on my garden – mulling over what plants I want to grow to achieve my vision of a tranquil sanctuary I can escape to – I decided to step back. I let the garden go, both physically and mentally. Some of this letting go… Continue reading